I've been studying the Book of Esther with a few friends - the story is fascinating, the message is so important, this woman is awesome. The words remind me that God works in my life during each moment.

The impact of my life (as experienced by my family and community) is created during a series of moments - subtle daily decisions, an ability to reveal myself, the issues on which I focus my energy. Most of the time, I am rather selfish on a moment to moment basis - centered on what I am thinking, feeling, wanting. I am successful when I engage in a moment rather than pass through it.

About six years ago, I was offered a contract to work as a part time pediatrician with a local group. It felt prestigious to me, but also like a fast-moving train. After being on the train of achieving academic and work success, I realized that there had been subtle changes in my heart that were causing me to really put on the brakes. My arguments on NOT taking the position didn't make sense in my previous value system. So I would swing from one side of the issue to the other. Uncertainty is really quite a draining experience. The sticking point was that my baby (who was around 14-16 months at the time) was really starting to take off with speaking. I kept thinking, "I want to be the one who knows what she is saying - I don't want to come home and have someone else interpret for me!"

I'd like to say that I made that decision and then the next moment I was thrilled and proud with that choice. However, I went through a lot of emotion - I was kind of mortified that I wasn't achieving in the way I thought I should.

I am grateful for growing up, maturing, taking the time to recognize subtle changes in my heart and listening to my inner voice.

Quips

I often hang a lot of weight onto little quips that have proven true over the course of time. Earlier tonight, I emailed a friend who is back on the dating scene, and recalled a couple of my favorites regarding dating.

number 1 - it only takes ONE. This quip was first credited to my college roomate, during hunting for jobs. We were convinced that we'd only ever find a job in Topeka, Kansas. Don't know why there, but I love the sense of mystery that we felt our future held. Regarding men, it pens in ones' quest to impress ALL men with ones' beauty and wittiness.

number 2 - the best quality in a man is that he thinks you are amazing. Came up with this one when I first started dating my husband and realized how nice it was that he was so crazy about me :) Fortunately, this has held true (9 years)!

Taking the family to Thailand

We are extremely fortunate to have really close friends. I gathered my collection of good friends over time. My husband got his all by third grade.

His best friend was the best man in our wedding. He met my best friend from college, who was in the wedding party, they married two years later. Now they have three kids, as well, and live in Tokyo.

We have come to Thailand to meet them for a family vacation.

Post-Doctoral Family

I finished pediatrics residency the day I had our first of three children. Pediatrics training was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but parenthood has trumped it; challenging, heart-wrenching, joy-filled, triumphant, exhausting, pushing-to-the-limit. Being a doctor-parent is helpful, sometimes, and treacherous others. Fortunately I learned through example during residency that the doctor-parent can under or over-react to the detriment of their kids...

I am tremendously grateful to be able to work part time. I consider myself mostly mommy and sometimes pediatrician, but I suppose these are roles that never leave me.