I've been studying the Book of Esther with a few friends - the story is fascinating, the message is so important, this woman is awesome. The words remind me that God works in my life during each moment.

The impact of my life (as experienced by my family and community) is created during a series of moments - subtle daily decisions, an ability to reveal myself, the issues on which I focus my energy. Most of the time, I am rather selfish on a moment to moment basis - centered on what I am thinking, feeling, wanting. I am successful when I engage in a moment rather than pass through it.

About six years ago, I was offered a contract to work as a part time pediatrician with a local group. It felt prestigious to me, but also like a fast-moving train. After being on the train of achieving academic and work success, I realized that there had been subtle changes in my heart that were causing me to really put on the brakes. My arguments on NOT taking the position didn't make sense in my previous value system. So I would swing from one side of the issue to the other. Uncertainty is really quite a draining experience. The sticking point was that my baby (who was around 14-16 months at the time) was really starting to take off with speaking. I kept thinking, "I want to be the one who knows what she is saying - I don't want to come home and have someone else interpret for me!"

I'd like to say that I made that decision and then the next moment I was thrilled and proud with that choice. However, I went through a lot of emotion - I was kind of mortified that I wasn't achieving in the way I thought I should.

I am grateful for growing up, maturing, taking the time to recognize subtle changes in my heart and listening to my inner voice.